This January’s end will make it about six months that the new iteration of the Womb has been running and all of us here are happy at the intelligent, involved community that is developing. During the break (which you may have noticed given the startling lack of new material) we renewed our commitments to keeping you embryos entertained with as much critical commentary, sarcastic humor, tales of the absurd and footy news as possible as well as charted out a plan for the coming year. What we’re saying is, there’s lots more new stuff to come and a lot more often too.
In that vein, let’s recap some of what happened in 2007, in no particular order and with a grain, nay, whole shaker of salt.
After all media and political onslaughts against Iran and it’s supposedly nascent nuclear weapons program, the latest intelligence reports confirm they are doing nothing of the sort. Instead, their nuclear ambitions are centered on power-generation, something every country has an inalienable right to. Indeed, this is the year 2008, there no longer exists the “nuclear secret.” Smart middle-schoolers have enough scientific know-how to conceptualize a nuclear reactor and beyond. Iran’s president Ahmadinejad may be an sharply-dressed, vocal, attention-seeking, rhetoric-spewing, anti-Semite, but his country has a right to nuclear power. Nuclear states should be helping Iran with their nuclear reactors. It is evident that with enough electricity, Iranians will watch TV, sit in the air-conditioning and make TV dinners in the microwave. 2-minute ready-made shawarmas would surely bring peace in the Middle East.
Of all people, the French have officially banned smoking in cafes. Gone are the days when strangely intriguing folk in funky berets idled in dingy cafes pondering the meaning of life or perhaps, what art truly was, while twiddling a well-manicured mustache (or bronzed lock of hair) with one hand and caressing a Gauloise in the other. The French may be considered the mice of Europe after WWII, but they were bad-ass when cigarette in hand. “Liberte Toujours” my ass.
The Writers Guild of America is still on strike and consequently some of our favorite talk shows (Daily Show and the Colbert Report) are still off-air. This not only deprives the general North American public of two hit comedy shows but also eliminates two premier sources of unbiased (or perhaps, purposefully uber-biased) news. In the interim, just check out the Womb, we’re trying to do Jon Stewart proud.
The US began down the arduous and bitchy path that leads to the presidential elections. Contestants on this biggest-reality-show-of-them-all include a sorta-black guy, possibly the scariest woman on the planet, the man who beat 9/11, religious zealots, former POWs and some other folk. We suspect a black man hasn’t a chance in hell of becoming president (nor does a woman), but it is conceivable that a first is in the making. We at the Womb were rooting for Colbert but that’s done and dusted now.
NASA astronaut Lisa Nowak went above and beyond to proudly show her country she would do whatever it took to get the man of her dreams. Wear an adult diaper to mitigate time lost during pee-break, check. Burglary of a vehicle with a weapon, check. Honestly, what chance to marauding aliens stand with the likes of Nowak in the astronauts corp.
Cho Seung-Hui delivered an astonishing bitch-slap to those who think the hallowed halls of learning are a quiet place of learning. A murderous rampage saw him brutally take the lives of 32 people. It would appear that Korea exports more than just fermented cabbage.
Madeline McCann, the young daughter of British parents, disappeared under suspicious circumstances from her hotel room in Praia da Luz, Portugal. A well-publicized manhunt saw her parents campaign for their daughter’s plight, including traveling all over Europe and Africa. They were even suspects at one point. The little one has yet to be found. A rerun of Natascha Kampusch in the making?
Chinese toys deliver more than fun and games for children the world over with millions of units being contaminated by lead and other hazardous materials. The Chinese poison train eventually spread to pet-food, silverware, clothing, toiletries and more. If it was ever in doubt they were taking over the world, it should be clear now.
Michael Vick, NFL star quarterback, was booked on charges of a federal dogfighting conspiracy (whatever that may be). He also admitted to killing several dogs that did not perform well. In a fit of anger, PETA, ummm, set the dogs on him. As a result, the quarterback was duly sacked by the offensive line.
NBC Universal’s Don Imus, a radio DJ, lands himself in hot water (and then out of job) for calling the Rutgers women’s basketball team a bunch of “nappy-headed ho’s.” He later clarified his intent wasn’t racist and what he meant to say was, “lanky-assed bitches of color with an inability to naturally grow their hair long.”
Karl Rove, often referred to as “Bush’s Brains” resigned from his post at the White House. Unbelievable, the Bush administration is now even dumber than it was before. Any hope of a coherent nuculur strategery against exports from foreign countries is out the door.
Burma witnessed massive unrest with its civilian population, led by thousands of Buddhist monks, demostrating in favor of fredom. The uprising was crushed by the military junta who ruled that peaceful protests by the saffron brigades sully the peace-loving spirit of Burma. The world looks on as freedom is trampled upon and then continues looking for oil in Iraq and the war on, umm, terror.
Top brass of the United States military confirm their strategy in Iraq is working and that sectarian strife is declining. Tens of thousands of limb-less victims, tortured souls and broken families beg to differ but their voices are drowned out by the cacophony of propaganda and the darkness of clouded vision. In the meantime, Iraq remains a cesspool and prime real estate for Dr. Evil’s lair.
The Sopranos, one of the best shows on television, comes to an end after ten years of violence, psychiatric counseling, steamy sex and innumerable utterances of, “Ey, ‘ow youuuuuuuu doing.”
Former presidential candidate Al Gore takes on climate awareness and wins the Nobel Peace prize for his efforts. It appears that global awareness of the issue is directly related to his girth. Here’s to hoping the man is disgustingly obese in the near future then.
Brit rock group, Radiohead, decides to stick it to the recording industry and release their latest album to the fans directly and for whatever price they think is reasonable. Rumors suggest they made more off of the album than if they had released it through a major label. Meanwhile, the industry checks itself in to counseling over its abject inability to understand technology, the modern market and the future of digital music.
The other hotbed of terrorism, Pakistan, sees its former leader, Benazir Bhutton return to campaign for elections and promptly get assassinated. Somehow, the Pakistani governments claims they didn’t see it coming. No wonder, then, that Osama is prancing around their borders, hiding in caves and having his prurient way with virginal camels. The global face of terror exclaims, “Why go for 40 virgins when I can have 300 tight camels.”
That’s about all we can remember over at the Womb, if you find something noteworthy that we missed, drop us a note in the comments. Also, we’d love to hear any fantastically good or bad stories from 2007 so share in the comments.
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