Editor’s note: Say hello to new author, Principessa Coolness. Our first female writer (well overdue really), Principessa writes primarily at her own blog HERE but we’ll be syndicating her material over to the Womb. A cancer survivor and frank conversationist, she begins by exploring how exitways sometimes become entryways in the quest for the next high. Welcome!

Okay, so it’s been a while since I posted the blog about ass rockets (a.k.a suppositories) but since y’all seemed amused by it, I have more to contribute to the topic. With that being said, let’s turn our attention to the subject of, well, ass rockets …

So, my ass is the only orifice of my body that has not been violated by a doctor or any other member of the medical profession. I have had the gynecologist put something that felt like an icicle in my, um, woo (I can’t stand the word vagina for some reason). I have had the dentist put what seemed like a million things in my mouth (I can’t stand that either). I have had little cameras inserted in my ears and up my nose. I even had an assistant at the eye doctor try to put her finger in my eyes which, oddly enough, was more physically bothersome to me than any of the other invasions. Anyway, my ass has been spared so far and I have an answer as to why this is: Because my doctors axpected (*expected* even — I’m typing too fast. Yay, coffee!) me to do it myself. That’s why.

Picture it (not my ass though); Several years ago, I had to undergo surgery three times in my mouth. Anyway, the doctors prescribed ass rockets for me. They also prescribed like, I don’t know, four or five other meds as well. At first, I wasn’t going to use the ass rockets (I wish the label from the pharmacy had said “ass rockets” on it because I’m so easily amused!) but then I read what they were prescribed for. Nausea. Hmmm. And fuck. Did I really want to risk throwing up with a mouthful of stitches? Well, the answer was a resounding no. I decided to go with the lesser of two evils and find a way a cope with using ass rockets.

I had to call Stella for emotional support and the conversation went like this:

Me: Stella, they axpect (*expect* even. Freakin’ coffee!) me to put a little rocket up my ass. What should I do?

Stella: Don’t be scared, baby. You can do it.

Me: Okay, thanks! Bye.

Stella: Sure. Bye.

So, I did what seemed like the impossible. I used a suppository. Assessment of the ass rocket: To say that it was weird would be an understatement so I will say that it was fucking weird. Shit, that’s an understatement too but whatever. There were two things that made the experience even bizarre. Aside from the obvious, when one sticks something up their ass, it is the instinct of the said ass to shit the object back out. That is one crazy feeling. The other weird thing was that whatever the doc prescribed to me fucked me up completely. I was absolutely ripped.

Anyway, I am not the only person who has been trashed by sticking something up my arse. Other people have done that too. Some people have done so recreationally. However, these people didn’t have prescription suppositories so they turned to other means of getting high via their ass. What did they use, you may wonder? Okra. Yes, okra. Omg.

I first heard about this from Alex. I didn’t believe him so I looked up online. I googled it and *poof* there is was: Actual stories of people getting fucked up by sticking okra up their asses!

For real, if you google something along the lines of “Okra up the butt” you can find stories about it. Here is an excerpt from a story that I found:

Most parents would be pleased to discover their young teen’s interest in fresh vegetables but in Wichita Kansas, a more sinister use may be looming and public officials are looking to gain control before the entire city is consumed.

It’s called O-holing, where teens describe a hallucinogenic-type high by briefly boiling stalks of okra until the well known “slimy” substance covers the pods. Then the unthinkable happens, the okra is placed inside the anus. There the slime enters the bloodstream via the thin walls of the lower large intestine. The effects are reported to range from a “Warm relaxed feeling all over” to a full on hallucinogenic “trip”, lasting several hours.

The popularity of O-holing appears to be widespread, ranging from youths as young as 8 years old to seasoned incarcerated inmates in our prison system looking to “turn on” with okra.

Justin D. (last name withheld) Describes how quickly his addiction to O-Holing escalated:
“It started as a joke, we read on the Internet about all these kids getting a buzz off of putting okra up your (anus) so one night at a house party we tried it. I couldn’t believe it. It was like Disneyland. Next thing I knew I was selling my CD’s and games and heading down to the A&P for more O. One day they were completely out and I like totally went off on the produce guy. They wouldn’t let me come back after that. So I started going to the O-parties”

O-parties, an underground circuit, similar to the “rave” scene of the 90’s where there is music, flashing lights and pots of boiling okra, lots of okra.

Police Sergeant Ira Pouncas states that over 12 O-parties were raided within the last year. School officials were put on notice.
“I am pleased to report that okra will be removed from the school lunch menu for the 2006-07 school year. It has already been deleted from prison meals as the effects of O-holing are unpredictable and even dangerous to our CO’s”

A proposal to launch an entire arm of law enforcement with a six figure budget is on the table to be voted on in early 2007.

“It’s set to be worse than crack and heroin combined.” Sgt. Pouncas states, “It’s everywhere, sold right over the counter to kids.”

So anyway, I thought before reading this that okra was something that is to be fried and then served as a side dish with other shit like mashed potatoes and hush puppies. Fried okra and homemade mac-n-cheese. That sounds good. However, I had no fucking idea that okra is also used as an ass rocket. I mean, who knew?! This has led to more thoughts…

Okay, should people working the cash register at the market be axpected (*expected* even. God, I drink too much java!) to ask teenagers that are buying okra, “Hey, are you gonna stick this in your butt or are you just gonna fry the shit and eat it?”

And then…

Should people purchasing okra be carded like they are when they buy alcohol? What is the legal age for doing okra?

And…

More importantly, who in the fuck figured out that one can get wasted by shoving an okra up their ass in the first place?! That’s really what I want to know.

And finally, what else do people stick in their butts? Damn.

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